The Art of Going Around in Circles

It has been just over a month since I started my longest race to date in New Jersey.  I did not expect it to take me this long to take the time to compose my thoughts and share them with you.  By far, this race was the most complicated and hardest thing I’ve ever done.  I’m still drained by it in a way I can’t quite explain.  The race itself was the culmination of over 15 months of preparation and countless hours of mind-numbing speculation.  I am going to spare you the details of all that preparation and share my race experience in the way I experienced it.  

Before I begin, I want to tip my hat and say thanks to Rick and Jen McNulty and their whole family for a wonderful event. Three Days at the Fair is a well-run event, and that starts with having great race directors/hosts. After experiencing the event I understand why folks have come back year after year to the fair.  The atmosphere they help create is welcoming and encouraging.  When you’re in over 96+ hours into an event, that can make the difference between finishing strong or convincing yourself to quit.   I would like to give a special shout out to their son Randy who was there to greet me every lap during those cold, mind numbing nights. It was very much appreciated and helped me maintain just a touch of my sanity.

Setup

I arrived in New Jersey at the Sussex County Fairgrounds around lunch on Sunday, May 9th, just in front of a nice rainstorm. When I arrived, there were only a handful of folks milling around and picking out spots along the course to set up their tents/aid stations.  The real fancy people had motor homes/trailers/popups already placed around the first 2/10ths of a mile of the 1-loop.  During this time, I met Steve Smith from Kentucky.  Steve is a seasoned endurance racer whose crazy race calendar makes me look a lot saner.  I would not have survived the first 96 hours without Steve’s continuous encouragement and checking in.  

The initial setup for Day 1 at the Fair

Ultimately, I selected a place on the out and back straightaway next to Steve a little less than a 1/10th of a mile from the start/finish line.  I set up my pop tent and placed my cot tent right behind it and conversed with my fellow racers before leaving to get last minute supplies.  I opted to spend the night in a half a star Econolodge in town of Newton, New Jersey, instead of my tent. This would be the last time I would sleep more than 4 hours straight for the next 3 weeks.

The Fundraiser

On top of running a race, I was running a fundraiser for Shelby Emergency Assistance (SEA).  My idea was why not kill two birds with one stone.  2020 kept SEA from conducting many of their usual fundraising events.  I felt like the race would be a unique way to raise funds so the slogan was born, “Jeff will run so that you don’t have to.”  Slick campaign flyers and photos were made up and we started the campaign roughly 10 days before the race with a fundraising goal of $5,000 for SEA or $10 for every kilometer I planned to cover. 

My Goals

I had several different levels of goals for my 6 Days at the Fair.  My first and minimal goal was to get 311 miles (500 kilometers) of movement in over the course of the event to support the fundraiser.  That translates to just over 52 miles a day. My secondary goal and target goal was to get 372 miles (600 kilometers).  My reach goal was 404 miles.  My game plan was to knock out 75-80 miles in the first 24 hours with 1-2 hours of sleep during that time followed by 4 hours of sleep in every 24-hour period following that except for Day 6 where I would settle for only 2 hours of sleep. With my fuzzy math this came out to 120 hours of movement and 24 hours of sleep/rest. The thing about game plans and ultras and endurance races is that they are all good and fine until you encounter blisters.

Race Day

I arrived back at the fairgrounds about 2 hours before race time.  Other folks had started to fill in the open spaces next to the out and back area around me.  It seemed to be a popular spot.  I slowly began to meet many of the other folks just as crazy as me.  In all, 48 people signed up and started the 144-hour race. In addition to our race, there were folks running a variety of other races including 72-, 48-, 24-, 12-, and 6-hour races. Every morning at 9 a.m. folks would start their respective races.  This made things a lot more interesting as we got closer to the weekend when folks running a 24- or 12-hour race with fresh legs.  

The Loop

I made the conscious choice NOT to go around the loop prior to the race.  I wanted to be surprised on Monday morning.  The thing about 1-mile loops is that they are not created equally.  Hour after hour and day after day they wear on you differently. From above, the course looked like a mushroom with a line coming out of the bottom of it (the out and back). The course began on a nice brick concourse that was a false flat with structures on either side and big hardwood trees providing cover.  It was immediately followed by a concession stand area that served as the race aid station.  A small 2-3 foot step up put the course’s restrooms right in front of you before a quick zig-zag that led to the out and back part of the course.  This is where the bulk of people set up their aid stations/RVs/tents. The back part of the out and back slow slid down a small decline before it took a right with a slight incline to break back left on a long half mile bend that would make the top of the mushroom. At the end of the long bend there was another left on an unpaved gravel path for a short stint before making a right and then another left to carry you back to the start finish line. If you are wondering, I typed all this from memory as the course is permanently burned into my memory now.

The Race

Day 1 Monday Funday

My race began at 9 a.m. on Monday, May 10th.  I started the race in true Alabama fashion with my Bubba Gump hat along with Run Forest Run shirt from the 717-mile virtual race infrom 2020. For good measure, I color coordinated with shirt my socks with my shirt. If you are going to look tacky, at least try and look good doing it. 

My first day on the course went well. I put down 73 miles, slept for about an hour and a half, with no blisters. I mixed running with mostly walking. I focused on only running the declines on Day 1 and walked the rest. Overall, I was happy with how things started off. I felt great and moved great. The first night was cooler than I expected, and that helped slow me down a little.  Either way, all my goals were still in reach, and almost nothing was bothering me. 

Day 2 Sleepless in Augusta: Part 1

Day 2 continued on from Day 1’s success.  A handful of runners showed up at 9 a.m. to start their respective races as the fools in the 144-hour race kept moving on.  At this point in the race, I had a pretty good idea on who everyone was and their ability level. It was fun to watch the front runners as they lapped me and watch their effort levels. There were some truly amazing athletes out on the course and watching their performances was inspiring and encouraging.  During this time, I listened to primarily audiobooks during the day and my music playlist at night. I hit my first 100 miles before dark and got a couple of more laps in before trying to get my first real sleep. It did not work.  I laid down around 8 p.m. and was back up at 9 p.m. without sleeping.  4 hours later I tried again.  I managed to lay around for 2 more hours without being able to fall asleep. My pace slowed and my left knee started bothering me during an even colder night than the first. At the 48-hour mark, I was just 122 miles in.  About 10-15 miles less than I had planned.

Day 3 Sleepless in Augusta: Part 2

On Day 3 the lack of sleep and bum knee started getting to me.  I briefly left the racecourse around 11 a.m. to go get a knee brace at a local Walgreens. Ultimately, it was more of a nuisance than a help l, and I quickly abandoned it. I opted to slow down my pace and keep moving as I found myself unable to go to sleep. I began to feel the wear and tear on my body as it desperately wanted rest. My body was so amped up that it was unable to find rest. When it got dark around 9 p.m., I opted to go take a shower and try and sleep. The warm water helped my aching muscles, but once again I tossed and turned for an hour before I gave up on sleep and went back on the course. At this point I was unable to carry a conversation with anyone.  I covered 46 miles on Day 3 to 168 miles, and I began to feel my race slip away.

Day 4 Sleepless in Augusta: Part 3

I hit my lowest point on Day 4.  My body and mind were so exhausted that I could not rest. At this point, I was over 24 hours without caffeine as I was trying to help my body rest. I went out and would complete a lap , and come back and try toand sleep.  I did this pattern for most of the daylight hours. My memories from days 3 and 4 are spotty at best as I really do not recall much except several conversations with Steve and my girlfriend, Lora. Steve had been fairly close on mileage with me up to this point and then he put 30 – 40 extra miles on me during the day as he got his second wind.  

At this point I began reassessing my goals.  I never thought my inability to sleep would do me in at an endurance race. But that is where I found myself. At around 5 p.m. that day,  I left the fairgrounds again and drove into a local diner in Newton to eat a normal meal.  I was looking for anything to help me sleep.  I had been taking melatonin gummies and depriving myself of alcohol for well over 30 hours at this point.  I came back to the fairgrounds and propped my feet up and tried to relax. Frustration does not adequately describe where my headspace was at during this time.  I took another shower and finally, at 9 p.m. I fell asleepto sleep for 4 hours. 

They say nothing good happens after midnight.  I tend to agree, but not in this case. When I woke up, I was shaking from the cold. My body had been running hot the last couple of days and those early May New Jersey nights ain’t nothing to mess with.  Those 4 hours of precious sleep changed the trajectory of my race. It would be all I needed to complete my race. I got back out on the track and began making laps again.  I was not as fast as I once was, but much faster than I had been.  I started running calculations in my head of what I needed to get back to my goal of 311 miles and I was doing well enough that is was still a possibility. At 9 a.m. Friday morning I had completed only 24 laps for a 24-hour period for a total of 192 miles, but I had a new lease on life.  I also had much needed support coming. I began looking at this race like a 48-hour race. I only needed 119 miles to meet my goal. 

Day 5 Eastbound and ‘Round

With semi-rested legs and a new lease on life I kept plugging away miles and the stupendous rate of 2.8 – 3.2 miles per hour from roughly 6 a.m. on Friday,  all afternoon,  and into the night. I had switched off audio books to the Ski playlist I had made for my time out on the slopes in Colorado.  It kept me moving.  Every lap I recalculated what I needed to make my goal.  It only changed by seconds, but I kept banking time. 

Roughly 105 hours into race, the main thing I had been missing showed up: my crew. By biggest mistake/regret during this whole race was not having a crew with me.  It slowed me down considerably every time I took breaks or when I needed to find something.  Activities I’m used to taking me 5 minutes took 10 -15. It is also hard to work on your feet or get good rest when you are doing everything yourself.

My girlfriend Lora arrived at roughly 6 p.m. and joined me for a couple of laps to see the course.  She was the one behind the time lapse video made that WordPress won’t let me share without paying them lots of monies.  Her first task was grabbing me a sandwich from Jimmy Johns from a place called Sparta a couple of miles away.  I needed some different fuel than I had been getting.  I never got to ask her when she walked into that Jimmy John’s if she said, “This is Sparta,” but I would like to believe she did.  At least that is the way I’m going to remember it. 

I kept trudging away the miles and keeping my pace above where it needed to be to meet my goal.  I made the decision that I would forgo sleep again as I was not tired anymore. Looking back, I do not think I would have been able to sleep if I had wanted to. The primary reason being that Lora had already occupied my one-person cot tent and was sound asleep. The secondary reason was that I was still carrying that second wind. My mood was great, my body was moving, and I was experiencing that runner’s high that I had not seen since my first day. At the 120 hours mark I found myself at 256 miles covering 64 miles in the previous 24 hours.  A far cry from the pitiful 24 miles I had put up from the day before. 

Day 6 – No Sleep Til’ Brooklyn

At 9 a.m. my goal became clear. I needed to cover 55 miles in the last 24 hours to reach 311 miles.  The day got off to a great start and then it started getting hot.  Nothing will zap you quicker at an endurance race than temperatures getting into the 70’s with humidity and sunshine. We also picked up a plethora of new people running a variety of shorter races.  The track got fuller, and I felt my energy starting to zap away around noon, but I did not stop.  I attempted to slow down my pace slightly to try and conserver energy and keep my heart rate down.  Cloud cover moved in the early afternoon giving some respite from the sun, but it was still hot and humid, and I forged on.  At this point I’d make 5 – 8 laps and stop to take a break and let Lora work on my feet.  At this point, I had a lot of inflammation in the bottom of my feet.  Herurt foot rubs were one of the reasons I was able to finish. 

By 9 p.m. that night I had crossed the 286-mile mark. I started to feel the effects from lack of sleep and a bit too much sun, but I knew I did not have time to rest. There was no guarantee my body would start back up from a 2–3-hour nap,  and I did not want to risk it at this point.  I trudged on into the night and was kept conscious mainly by the 12 – 24-hour racers who were passing me really frequently.  There is nothing like watching someone on 3 hours legs versus those on 135-hour legs.  

Around 1:30 a.m. I passed the 300-mile mark and made my 303 miles (The Belt Buckle distance) at 2:53 a.m. to an almost empty concourse.  I decided to have a little fun and use a prop that had showed up earlier on Saturday, a plastic leg.  Here is that video in its fullness:

When I got back to my tent to have my feet worked on following that lap, I passed out within 15 seconds of Lora starting to work on my feet.  She let me sleep for 45 minutes as I was beyond tired.  I got up and struggled through the final 8 miles and completed lap 311 around 7 a.m. Lora was there with me for my final lap as she made the wise decision that I needed to stop.  Lora began cleaning and packing up as I stretched my legs before going to shower. 

The Aftermath

There were many great things about the race, but the award ceremony was special.  The New Jersey Trail Series has been hosting this event for over a decade, and they give out awards for lifetime miles.  I got to watch several people receive awards for lifetime miles in the thousands.  It was obvious that they have a very tight knit trail running community in New Jersey and watching this ceremony just reinforced what I had been seeing all week. My biggest regret is I did not get to enjoy all the camaraderie as I spent too much time in my head fighting the inability to sleep. 

The fruit of 6 days of labor on my “vacation”

After receiving two lifetime medal tokens for mileage (100, 250) and a brand new “303” belt buckle we started the drive south through the Delaware Gap and on down Interstate 81.  Surprise, surprise, I was unable to sleep on the car ride south. We stopped in Virginia after driving for 7 hours and spent the night before coming the rest of the way home on Monday. Sitting in the car for a 15+ hour drive was probably not the best way to recover, but I needed to get home from my “vacation” to get back to work. 

I was fortunate as I did not suffer many of the setbacks, I’ve faced in my previous endurance races.  I had very few blisters and I was still able to walk well after stopping the race.  My biggest problem was sleep.  It took me over 3 weeks after the race to sleep more than 7 hours continuously.  My Fitbit tracker told me that I got 14 hours of sleep during the 144-hour race.  However, I know that many of those times it counted an hour of rest here and there I did not sleep.  I realistically got around only 6 hours of actual sleep across a 144-hour period. As I write this now, I feel like I am still recovering from this aspect of the race. For now, I will continue to recover and likely wait until October to attempt my next multi-day race: The Endless Mile.

Thank You’s

I would like to start of by thanking the McNulty’s once again for hosting an amazing race. I would like to thank Steve Smith for helping me keep my sanity during the first four days of the race and beyond.  I can’t believe you went and did another multi-day race 4 days later.  You are a Wildman! I would Like to thank Dr. Amiee Mellon for putting together a wonderful fundraising campaign for SEA.  I would also like to thank Lora Vaughn for coming to my rescue, getting me across the finish line and home. This would not have been possible without you.  Finally, I would like to thank all of you who gave to the SEA campaign.  That $7,500 will go a long way to helping families in Shelby County.

The Final Numbers from the Fair (May 10 – 16)

Steps Taken: 694,000+

Calories Burned: 84,806+

Funds raised for SEA: $7,500

Miles Covered: 311 Race Miles

Redbull’s consumed: 18

Measured Sleep:  14 hours (~6 actual)

Weight lost: 8 lbs. / 22% body fat

Cousin Eddie sightings: 3

Audiobooks completed: 2.5

Gritty sightings: 2

Bear sightings: 1

Belt buckles earned: 1

I’m All About Goals: 2014 Edition

Last year I posted about the importance of making goals, not resolutions.  Here is a list of my goals from January of 2013:

1.  Be more positive in everything I do.  (???)
2.  Eliminate all unsecured debt. (Completed)

3.  Take another real vacation. (Completed)

The first half marathon of five that I ran last year.
The first half marathon of five that I ran last year.

4.  Run a half marathon this year (Completed)

5.  Being Mario Mendoza (Maintained)

Only a handful of people caught the fact that my first goal was in fact, a resolution.  Why is that a problem?  Because it’s hard if not impossible to verify if I accomplished it or not.  It was very subjective oriented where the rest of my goals were objective oriented.

In July, I revisited my goals, and made new ones based on the ones I had already completed.  They were:

6. Put at least 15% of after tax income into savings (Did not Complete)

Half Marathon #3: Magic City Half.  Thanks to Ryan Murphy for always being there to get pictures!
Half Marathon #3: Magic City Half. Thanks to Ryan Murphy for always being there to get pictures!

7. 8 Half Marathons in 8 Months (4 down, 4 to go)

By making goals and not resolutions, I was able to objectively measure success.  I can look back at 2013 and know that I actually achieved something, not just feel like it. So when it was all said and done, I went 4 out 5 with 1 still in progress.  For those of you who chose to make resolutions rather than goals, how did that work out for you?

2013 was a fantastic year.  I accomplished many things that I did not think were possible at the beginning of the year.  I also realized that I achieved many of my goals even before the halfway mark of last year.  I’ve taken that into consideration for my 2014 goals.  With all that being said, here are goals for 2014.

1. Run 1200 miles

Why 1200 miles?  Simple.  That’s the amount required to get a Birmingham Track Club jacket.  It also requires me to be very consistent all year.  It’s a little over 23 miles a week, or a 5k every day of the year.  It will also be a goal I cannot complete by June.  For what it’s worth, I ran just over 543 miles this year.

Unfortunately, I don't think I can run a half in one of these...
Unfortunately, I don’t think I can run a half in one of these…

2. 12 half-marathons in 12 months.

I’m essentially extending my 8 half-marathons for 8 months challenge for the rest of this year.  The challenge is going to be finding races I want to run after April when temperatures start heating up.  The only exception to this rule is that if I run a race further than a half, I’m counting it as my de-facto race for the month because…

3. Run my first marathon

I really don’t want to run a half-marathon and a marathon in the same month.  It’s expensive enough as it already is.  I quietly had plans to run my first half on December 14th, but I made the call two weeks before not to attempt it.

River Thomas: The brave young man I'm running for.
River Thomas: The brave young man I’m running for.

4. Raise the $1300 I committed myself to raise for the BellRunners

Back in October, I signed up for the Mercedes Half-Marathon as a Bell Runner.  I committed myself to raising $1300 for the Bell Center in Birmingham. Right now I’ve only managed to raise $25.  So what is the Bell Center? The Bell Center for Early Intervention Programs is dedicated to maximizing the potential of children from birth to three years of age who are at risk for developmental delay.  As a Bell Runner, I have been assigned a child to raise money in his honor.  I plan on meeting him when I get back from Pasadena.  This is where I need your help. I have a little over a month to reach this $1300  goal.  So if you want to help me, you can click this link here to learn more.  Thanks for your support!

5. Outline my Autobiography

It wasn't all bad.  At one point in my life I was a trendsetting dresser.
It wasn’t all bad. At one point in my life I was a trendsetting dresser.

This goal is not meant to sound egotistical.  But this goal won’t make sense if you haven’t read my blog “Hope Can Feed a Starving Man for Years on End…”  I have a great memory, but I honestly don’t remember very much from the first 17 years of my life, especially the first 12 years.  What I can remember was hellish at times, sprinkled with some good parts, but mostly frustration.  It doesn’t help that I know about it, but don’t remember it.  There are fragments that I sometimes piece together.  But overall, a lot of its a blank.  I know my own story.  I’ve heard the details so often that I can visualize it, but I don’t remember it.  Why is this important?  Because some people need hope.  I can’t imagine being in my parents shoes facing some of the issues they faced with me.  I lived through it, but ultimately they made the choices that allowed me to be me. I don’t remember much, but I want to know all of it.  It’s a story that needs to be told.  I think I can write it.  I’ve got to start somewhere and it begins by getting it into an outline.  This by far, is the most challenging goal I’ve set.  It’s going to require quite a bit of input from family members.

6.  Write on this Blog at least once a month

I started this blog as a way to vent, convey, or just to tell stories.  During football season, JP Predict’s takes up a good bit of time.  But there is no reason for me to go months between posts.  It’s just bad form.

7.  Pay off my Second Mortgage

Last year, I paid off all my unsecured debt.  It’s been a huge burden lifted from my shoulders.  My goal this year is to get it down to just a mortgage.  

I wonder if he lwants bacon?
I wonder if he lwants bacon?

8.  Start saving 10% of every after tax dollar.

I don’t think I need to add anymore detail.  Thanks for reading my goals.  I’ll periodically update you as the year progresses.  Thanks for reading my goals.  Now help hold me accountable.

Too Heck with Resolutions… I’m all about Goals.

new years resolutionsNew Years was ten days ago.  I’m sure that most of you who are reading this made or at least thought of making the infamous New Year’s Resolution.  I’m betting many of you did. In the words of Dr. Phil, “How’s that working out for you?”

Its been my experience that resolutions are a waste of time.  They are often open ended, vague, and oral in nature.  Ultimately, the lack of attention to detail and the game plan to get there will lead to failure.  A prime example is “My New Year’s Resolution is to lose weight this year.”  That’s great that you want to lose weight!  But how are you going to go about losing it? How much weight do you want to lose? You see the problem here folks?  There is nothing quantifiable and its just really a statement.  I’d like a million dollars. However, without goals and a detailed game plan to achieve those goals I’m just as likely to get my million dollars as you are going to lose weight. That’s not to say that making resolutions is a bad thing, but it is only the beginning of the process.

With that said, I’m going to share some of my goals with you for this year. I’m not going into all the detail behind them, but putting them in writing is one of the bigger parts of any goal setting process…

Everybody loves a winner...
Everybody loves a winner…

Goal 1: Be more positive in everything I do.

I know that seems vague to those on the outside and goes against everything I just criticized several paragraphs before.  Honestly, this is more like a resolution, but I’ve made it into a goal.  When I was younger, I was an optimist.  When I looked at a bad situation, I could find the silver lining or something positive in almost any situation.  As I have gotten older, I’ve become more of a realist.  It has its pluses and minuses, but I’ve noticed that I to focus too much on the negative, which is often the exception.  I’m trying to be more encouraging and positive in everything I do.  It just fits me better as a person.  I’ll measure the success of this goal by the quality of company I keep.  Nobody likes being around a Debbie Downer… except for Depressed Darrell.

I'd still keep one...
I’d still keep one…

Goal 2: Eliminate all unsecured-debt

I had this goal last year and made significant progress against it until some unforeseen circumstances came along… like a week long cruise to the Caribbean that I hadn’t properly planned for.  I’m still using the same game plan I’ve had on this one for awhile.  I expect my tax return to wipe the last of it out.  This will allow me to…

Goal 3: Take another real vacation

If it is one thing I regret I haven’t done more of  it is traveling.  I’m still working on some ideas for something fun to do and this will be an evolving goal.  I expect a good week long summer trip that doesn’t involve the beach.  I’d love to get out of the country and go somewhere exotic, like Georgia.  Although I do plan to take a week long trip to the beach as well.

Hey, it worked for Simon Pegg...
Hey, it worked for Simon Pegg…

Goal 4: Run a half marathon this year

Ah, so here is a very easily measurable goal!  It will take some work to get there, but I’ve got the beginning of a game plan.  Right now I run anywhere from 4 – 10 miles a week.  I’m planning on gradually stepping that up and working it in with my Crossfit even more.  That means physical activity 4 – 5 times a week.  Building endurance is the name of the game and both activities will benefit each other.  I’ve set a November deadline for this activity.

Goal 5:  Being Mario Mendoza

I am Mendoza. My line:  You do not cross.
I am Mendoza. My line: You do not cross.

Being what?!?  Last year I set a goal to get my weight below the “Mendoza Line” or 200 pounds for those of you who don’t understand my baseball rhetoric.  I broke it only to recross it over and over again last year.  I blame my coach Mark Smith and Trinity Crossfit for that.  Where I might not have lost the weight, I definitely lost the fat.  My weight has stayed consistently between 200 – 208 range for the past several months.  Instead of trying to limbo under that Mendoza Line, I’ve decided to be one with it.  However, I still want to tone up some more…

Well these were just some of my goals for 2013, what are yours?

A Year Later…

Yesterday it had been one year since my last surgery.  Trying to remember anything from the first few months following surgery are actually still foggy, but I remember almost everything from the day of the surgery.  I published my first blog post to this site attempting to explain things to some and clarify things to others.  If you have not read it, I recommend you click here before reading on or you might be a little confused.

So what is different a year later?  

Cosmetically, not much.  Unless you haven’t seen me in the last 15 years or so you wouldn’t notice really anything different.  My eyes tracking together has gotten better and that’s about it.

Mentally, everything is different.  The last 12 months I’ve my life have been the most interesting in my life.  To be honest, I only really remember about the last 10 of them.  The first two after surgery are really just a blur at this point.  For those of you who know how much I love my memory, its rather frustrating not being able to remember big chunks of two months of your life.  Before I get any further tangents, I’ll try answer some questions.

Why is everything “mentally” different? The world just looks different.  When things looks different, you perceive and process it differently.  In the past, things returned to “normal” several months after surgery.  This time it never did.  I can’t tell you if it is a good thing or a bad thing.  It’s just different.

Does this bother you?  It is more frustrating than anything else.  I’m not sure if it is the new “normal” and things are truly better or something is truly wrong.  I lean very heavily towards the new “normal.”  I feel like my peripheral vision is better and that things are better.  However, my mind is taking a lot longer to adjust to these changes.  Hence the reason why everything is “mentally” different.

What is “normal” to you and why would it have changed? or Why do you not remember much from after the surgeries? I had two separate eye surgeries within four months of each other.  After each prior past surgery I had periods of times to adjust and develop a new “normal.”  I don’t think I ever fully recovered or adjusted from surgery number six before I had surgery number seven.  So when I had both eyes operated on last December, it changed everything.

I don’t remember many details from last January and February, but what I do remember is everything being very different after the surgery.  It was like everything was “out of place” and things looked very “surreal.”  An good analogy would be it was like looking at the world through someone else’s glasses.  To be honest, it still feels very surreal right now when I start thinking about it.  It was like my mind was having a very difficult time trying to understand and process what it was seeing.  It’s gradually improved or either I’ve just gotten used to it.

Why would having eye surgery mess with your memory? We perceive the world through our senses.  Most people rely on what they see and what they hear the most.  Most of the way my memory functions is tied to sight.  Changing the way I see things also seemed to change the way I processed and stored memories.  It caused a “hiccup” in my process.  The mind is a powerful thing and has seemed to adjust to the new settings.

Are you done with surgeries? I don’t know.  Right now I don’t feel like the issues I’m experiencing are something that can be fixed with a scalpel.  I feel like they are cognitive.  I saw the world a certain way for 32.5 years.  I obviously feel like I see it differently now and I’m still relatively new to it.  For the time being, I’m sticking to my mantra of Patient Time.

What’s next?  Patient time… and a brand new season of Archer on January 17th!

If you have any questions feel free to post them in a comment or just ask!  Thank you for reading.

Cause I’m somewhere in the middle of this…

It’s been my belief that you show more about yourself and your character by how you handle adverse or undesirable situations, especially when there appears to be no-win solutions.  It is in these moments that are principles, ethics, and what constitutes our moral fiber is challenged.  We often define who we are and what we hold most dear by how we respond.  Is it our reputation, family, friends, justice, beliefs, dignity, self-worth?  Regardless of what we choose, we will try and justify our decisions (rational or not) in an effort to make ourselves feel better.

The last several months, I have been confronted with quite a few of these situations… stacked one on top of another.  None of these situations were directly related to one another, but they were all extremely taxing in their own different ways.  The one thing in common is that they all affected me in some form or fashion.  Quite frankly, the last couple of months have been some of the most challenging times of my life.

To talk about any one of the numerous situations in detail in this forum would be inappropriate and would not achieve anything except to further fan the flames or re-stoke the embers that some have since died down… which is not my intention.  To say I’ve spent a great deal of time reflecting on it all is an understatement.  In every one of the situations I had to ask myself what I really wanted, what I thought was right, and what I believed.  They often did not add up and I was put in the position of having to make difficult choices.

So I made choices, not knowing what the results of these choices would be, but hoping for the best.  I know I can’t make everyone happy nor justify my decisions to everyone.  But in the end, I’ve had to make choices that I would be able to wake up and look at myself in the mirror and not be ashamed of the person looking back at me.  Through this whole process, I’ve learned a lot about myself and what I value.  The challenge is always doing what I feel to be the right thing, even if it comes at a personal cost to me…  I feel like sometimes it is a reminder that the right decision is often not the easiest, nor the likeliest one most people will take.   In the end of it all, I’m the same person I was before.  I’m just a bit wiser and maybe a bit more seasoned…

I’m still a deeply caring and passionate human being and for those who have spent any deal of time around me, I hope my actions reiterate this point.  At the same time, I’m not perfect.  I make mistakes and you might not always like the decisions I make.  Sometimes I’m right, sometimes I’m wrong.  In the end, I just want to be happy…  and I don’t want to ruin anyone else’s chance at happiness to achieve my own.

The choices I have made have come at a cost.  Every choice I’ve made has been met with consequences… some of them I have expected, others I have not.  It has never been my intent to hurt others are cause anyone else pain.  Undoubtedly, it has happened.  For that I am sorry.  I have had to remind myself that I have been down a similar road before when it comes to making hard choices… and the sun did keep rising in the East.  I’m pretty sure it will rise tomorrow.

THOU SHALL NOT WORSHIP FALSE IDOLS

At 9 a.m. Monday morning, the NCAA dropped a bomb on State College, Pennsylvania.  People are going to needlessly argue for years whether or not the NCAA overstepped their bounds by levying penalties.  I’m sure you can go to many different news outlets to support what side of that equation you believe.  I’m not here to argue about that today.

Edmund Burke once famously quipped, “All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.”  That is what happened at State College in 1998 and 2001 that ultimately led to the NCAA’s verdict today.  It had nothing to do with the young men playing football today, but everything to do with those who were chosen to lead them.  Because Joe Paterno and others did not speak up and do what was right in 1998 or 2001, Jerry Sandusky was able to continue to prey on children for many more years.  He chose to help cover up the crimes to protect the things he held most dear, his prestigious football program and legacy.

In the end, I’m sure he thought these things that had been swept under the rug and would never see the light of day.  If it weren’t for outside incidents off the State College campus, they might have stayed hidden.  Joe Paterno would have stayed a celebrated man for doing things “the right way” and rode off into the sunset.  Instead his legacy is irreparably damaged and all his record setting feats are now vacated.  It is as if Joe Paterno became the tragic character Faust; who sold his soul to the devil to achieve greatness only to be undone in the end.

The now infamous Joe Paterno statue was removed on Sunday by Penn State University.

Until November of last year, Joe Paterno stood for everything that was right in college football and college sports for that matter.  He was worshiped by his own fan base and greatly admired by everyone else.  He already had a statue celebrating everything he did for his beloved program outside Beaver Stadium.  In the end, Joe Paterno was really like the rest of us… a flawed individual.  In his lifetime he was put upon such a pedestal that I think he truly believed in his own greatness.  You don’t have to look any further than his family’s tragically sad efforts to protect and restore his now tarnished legacy to see it extended beyond him.  If Joe Paterno was alive to day, he would be facing perjury charges and likely jail time.  His estate is likely to disappear in the rash of lawsuits certain to be brought from the abused.  In the end the message is simply this… THOU SHALL NOT WORSHIP FALSE IDOLS.  I wish his family would take that lesson to heart.

On a softer side…

I’ve decided to bring back JP’s Politically Incorrect Predictions this year as it’s own website.  With some help from my friends, it will be up and going in about a week.  I’ve set a tentative launch date of August 1st.  There is currently a facebook page that you can get to and like by clicking here.  You can also find the twitter handle for this new endeavor    @jppredicts  For those of you who are wondering what are “politically incorrect predictions,” here is a link to last years bowl blowout.