Month: December 2016

The Holidays can sometimes be  tough time for people.  I’m no different.  This year has been tougher than some. Recent events and a now debunked Santa holding a dying child story made me to begin reflecting on some of my own Christmas pasts…

One of the few Christmas memories from my childhood I can accurately recall was 1985. It is also one of my favorite! Like most boys my age, I loved G.I. Joe.  I mean how can you not love an elite fighting unit that couldn’t hit a broadside of a barn to save their lives?  Like most boys, I wanted every G.I. Joe toy I could get.  I still remember opening exactly one present on Christmas Eve and it was the G.I. Joe A.W.E Striker Dune buggy. I was so excited!  It was a sign of things to come…

The next morning I woke up to find the U.S.S. Flagg fully assembled in our playroom basement.  It was the must have G.I. Joe toy and I really wanted it.  There is nothing quite like finding a 7’6” aircraft carrier in your basement on Christmas morning.  When I got older I heard stories of just horrifying it was to put the thing together.  Apparently my dad, brother, and neighbors spent hours trying to put it together.  Many of my childhood Christmases were like this one. I got what I asked for from “Santa.” I was spoiled rotten without realizing it.  I didn’t really come to understand or appreciate it that fact until I was older.  I’m just thankful for the effort my parents put into it.

Another one of my favorite Christmas memories from my childhood was caroling. For several years my mother dressed a group of neighborhood kids up as reindeer and elves and took us to Brookwood Hospital on Christmas Eve. We would spend all afternoon wandering through the hospital singing Christmas carols to individuals and families.  I can still remember nurses or family members running us down and taking us to wings of the hospital that we shouldn’t have technically been allowed on to sing to loved ones or people who were all alone.  Looking back at my own experiences of being cooped up in a hospital for a week, I can only imagine what it felt like to spend Christmas there.

Both of these little happy tales lead me to recall my most poignant Christmas memory.  It still sticks we me and reminds me of the many things I am thankful for.  This story takes place nine years ago.  I look back at this time at my life and sometimes wonder how I made it through.  

Let me preface this story by stating I had just switched jobs in late October, 2007.  I had recently moved from being a foster care worker with the state to a facility/group home director with a private company.  In December 2007, I was in transition from facility/group home director to executive director as my predecessor, unbeknownst to me, originally hired me to replace him.  To add to the complexity, the company was also in the process of opening its second and third facility during the month of December. In addition, the end of November saw the end to an almost two year personal relationship.  My life was in a state of transition.

I worked more hours during that month than I did not.  I worked at least eight hours every day for the entire month.  Most days it was in excess of sixteen hours and sometimes it stretched beyond the twenty-four hour mark.  I often worked one shift at one facility only to cover another shift at one of the other facilities later that day.  At the time, it was my way of dealing with loss.  I wasn’t the only one working such long, crazy shifts. My friend David worked every day of that month as well.

There is one memory that sticks with me to this day from this season in my life.  It was Christmas Eve.  I was working at our Columbiana facility and all but two boys were able to be with family for Christmas.  I went into work that afternoon and would be with them the next twenty four hours. Just like the people in the hospital from my earlier story, they were stuck at the facility and away from family for the holidays.

Dewayne and Richard couldn’t have been any different. Dewayne was 14 and from New Orleans.  He ended up in Alabama when his family fled Hurricane Katrina.  His mother abandoned him along with some older siblings to go back and work on a cruise ship.  He ended up in foster care.  He’d go long periods of time between communication and she made no effort to come and get him.  Dewayne was a hustler, street smart, and had a quick temper.  He was undersized for his age and dressed differently than the folks of Shelby County.  He felt like an outcast and presented like an outcast.

Richard was 16 and from the local area.  Richard was easy going and I don’t recall the whole story of why he was in care.  Richard was from the country, well liked by his peers, and girl crazy.  Richard was stuck at the facility because his relative resource couldn’t pass a background check.  He was really disappointed to be stuck at the facility.  He had family close by, but had not been made a priority.

The last place any of us wanted to be that Christmas Eve was stuck in that facility.  Usually the facility residents did a good job of entertaining themselves, but with only two youth present, the place seemed empty.  I felt bad about the situation and decided to take them out to eat instead of making some of my facility famous out of the box jambalaya.  Well as most of you know, there isn’t much open after 6 p.m. on Christmas Eve.  We eventually made it all the way up to Hoover and Stix’s Japanese Steakhouse.  I wanted the boys to experience a hibachi grill and all the fun that a chef brings with it.

What I failed to realize was neither Dewayne nor Richard had ever been to a sit down restaurant, much less order off a menu.  They had only ordered off a fast food menu on a wall. It was eye opening and very sad at the same time.  There are so many things I have taken granted in this life.  Knowing how to order off a menu or how to act in a restaurant is among them.  With a little direction, both Dewayne and Richard were able to order their food and were treated to a show.  I think the chef could tell it was their first time and played things up.  The other family that sat at our table managed to get both of my kids to talk and we had a great night.  They made them feel welcome, normal, and accepted.  It was the only time I saw either of the boys smile during my stay with them over Christmas.  By the end of dinner they were laughing and cutting up with the other family, chef, and myself.  It was a Christmas Miracle!  For a moment, they were just normal teenage boys.  I remember getting back to the facility and playing video games until it was time to go to bed.  Both of them were in such a good mood.

Christmas morning was always a magical time for me as a kid all the way until I flew the coop and went to college.   But this Christmas morning was different.  Reality of the situation started to sink in for both boys.  Both Dewayne and Richard slept in as they had already opened their presents with the other children before they left for the holidays.  Christmas was just another day away from loved ones for them.  It was also a day when this situation was magnified for them because their peers were all somewhere else.  I still remember hanging out around the facility all day that day.  Both boys eventually got bored of playing video games and of each other.  Despite my best efforts, they spent most of the afternoon in their rooms.  A little after 4 p.m. on Christmas Day I was relieved of duty and allowed to go spend Christmas with my family.  

I felt guilty for a long time afterwards for leaving Dewayne and Richard and going to celebrate with my family.  I wondered for a long time if they felt like I had abandoned them like they expressed of others.  The point of me telling this story is to remind myself and others that we all go through our struggles.  The month of December in 2007 was probably one of the most stressful in my life.  Yet, my struggles and problems seemed pale in comparison to those faced by Dewayne or Richard.  It didn’t make mine any less real, but it added perspective.  
Sometimes we get worked up over things that we shouldn’t.  We also sometimes get tunnel vision on our problems and don’t realize the hurt and suffering going on around us.  What we can be is kind.  Our actions will almost always speak louder than our words.  In this case, the family sitting with us at Stix’s treated the boys with respect.  Their kindness didn’t cost a thing.  It set the tone for the rest of the evening.  It made my difficult job easier that evening, but most importantly, it made some teenage boys going through a difficult patch in their life feel respected.  The holiday season can be overwhelming, but please remember to be kind.  The act of giving goes far beyond physical gifts and remember, kindness doesn’t cost a thing except effort.

Merry Christmas and God Bless…

Jeff