Last week I failed to find the time to adequately write what I wanted to write. To be honest, I got a bit overwhelmed. The drops that the good doctor prescribed me in addition to the ibuprofen regiment eliminated my morning headaches. This allowed my mind to finally begin working without having to fight off headaches all day. The results from this whole process has been like someone turning on a light switch. I’m not talking about my vision as much as my memory.
For those of you who don’t know me that well, I have a very good memory. I distinctly remember dates, places, faces (not names), weather, and feelings from a variety of significant and insignificant events (No its not eidetic or exceptional memory). For some people around me it is a fascinating thing. For most of you reading this it’s just plain annoying. For me… I think it is a probably a coping mechanism I developed from my childhood.
Until the last couple of months most of my memories have been confined to a point in the Spring of 1997 forward (I was 17 at the time). In recent years, memories from before that time were more less spotty and I was never quite sure if I was imagining things or just trying to fill in gaps where I knew things should fit. I had only really been able to remember personally significant events before that time or when someone unknowingly used a cue (visual or audio) to bring something back. So I knew the information was stored somewhere.
In the last week I’ve began remembering things in vivid detail as far back as to the age of five. Every memory has led to another memory and so on. My mind has not stopped running except when I’ve been sleeping. Needless to say, this process has been a bit taxing. My head has been populated with many pleasant and not so pleasant memories from over a 27 year period. I feel like I’ve revisited my whole life several times over this past week. Even as I type this my head is swimming through childhood memories involving the Miller’s, Smith’s, and the rest of the neighborhood. If you feel like challenging the memory, leave a comment or drop me an email about a specific event. I’d probably shock you.
As for the eyes…
They are straight and are continuing to try and “work themselves out.” This along with the whole memory thing has been extremely tiring. I feel as if someone is trying to “re-format” my brain. I know they are doing things that I don’t ever recall them doing. However, I don’t think its fusion. To be honest, I wouldn’t know if it was or not. I just know it is different then it was two weeks ago.
I believe that the “issues” or “events” I’m experiencing with my memory and eyes are tied together. I don’t view any of it as a bad thing. I feel like it is progress on several different levels. However, I am surprised at the depth and clarity that I am remembering things from so long ago. I almost feel as I’m right back at that place or time. I’m trying not to get to caught up in my memories and realize that they are just that… memories. The future is an empty page in a book waiting to be written… just like this blog.
Final Thoughts on a First Impression 
I guess the thing I most hope you don’t remember is how so many people used to treat you because of thihgs you absolutely had no control over and how you handled most of them with such grace. mama
Unfortunately I’ve remembered a lot of that too. Kids can be cruel. However, I’ve tried to turn it into a positive and use it as a personal measuring stick of just how far I’ve come. I’ve always been thankful for those who were able to see past it all and saw me. I owe much of my success to those people.