Category: Ramblings

Cause I’m somewhere in the middle of this…

It’s been my belief that you show more about yourself and your character by how you handle adverse or undesirable situations, especially when there appears to be no-win solutions.  It is in these moments that are principles, ethics, and what constitutes our moral fiber is challenged.  We often define who we are and what we hold most dear by how we respond.  Is it our reputation, family, friends, justice, beliefs, dignity, self-worth?  Regardless of what we choose, we will try and justify our decisions (rational or not) in an effort to make ourselves feel better.

The last several months, I have been confronted with quite a few of these situations… stacked one on top of another.  None of these situations were directly related to one another, but they were all extremely taxing in their own different ways.  The one thing in common is that they all affected me in some form or fashion.  Quite frankly, the last couple of months have been some of the most challenging times of my life.

To talk about any one of the numerous situations in detail in this forum would be inappropriate and would not achieve anything except to further fan the flames or re-stoke the embers that some have since died down… which is not my intention.  To say I’ve spent a great deal of time reflecting on it all is an understatement.  In every one of the situations I had to ask myself what I really wanted, what I thought was right, and what I believed.  They often did not add up and I was put in the position of having to make difficult choices.

So I made choices, not knowing what the results of these choices would be, but hoping for the best.  I know I can’t make everyone happy nor justify my decisions to everyone.  But in the end, I’ve had to make choices that I would be able to wake up and look at myself in the mirror and not be ashamed of the person looking back at me.  Through this whole process, I’ve learned a lot about myself and what I value.  The challenge is always doing what I feel to be the right thing, even if it comes at a personal cost to me…  I feel like sometimes it is a reminder that the right decision is often not the easiest, nor the likeliest one most people will take.   In the end of it all, I’m the same person I was before.  I’m just a bit wiser and maybe a bit more seasoned…

I’m still a deeply caring and passionate human being and for those who have spent any deal of time around me, I hope my actions reiterate this point.  At the same time, I’m not perfect.  I make mistakes and you might not always like the decisions I make.  Sometimes I’m right, sometimes I’m wrong.  In the end, I just want to be happy…  and I don’t want to ruin anyone else’s chance at happiness to achieve my own.

The choices I have made have come at a cost.  Every choice I’ve made has been met with consequences… some of them I have expected, others I have not.  It has never been my intent to hurt others are cause anyone else pain.  Undoubtedly, it has happened.  For that I am sorry.  I have had to remind myself that I have been down a similar road before when it comes to making hard choices… and the sun did keep rising in the East.  I’m pretty sure it will rise tomorrow.

Your Time, Your Heart, and Your Dues…

Jim Methvin presenting me with the Alumnus Loyalty Award last night.

These are the prepared remarks I gave last night at the University of Montevallo’s National Alumni Assocation Award Banquet…

Let me begin by saying I am truly honored and humbled to be standing in front of you right now.  I’d like to thank the University of Montevallo National Alumni Association for presenting me with this award.  I look out into the crowd and see people who I look up to as role models and mentors, and I many of you I call friend.

Before I get to my prepared remarks, there are several people out in the crowd who I feel need special recognition and I want to say thanks.   Without them and their support, I would not be standing in front of you today.

Jim Methvin.  Jim, you’ve been a mentor and a friend.  My only regret is I didn’t know you when I was in college.  It sure would have made my life easier at times.

Dr. Susan Vaughn.  Thank you for always supporting me, yet challenging me.  It has meant more to me than you may ever know.  For those of you who don’t know, Montevallo has the top undergraduate social work program in the state.  It did when I was in school, and Dr. Hitchcock, Dr. Newell, and Jeannie Duke are continuing on that tradition.

Last but certainly not least, my family who is sitting right in front of me.  I don’t have time to thank you enough for all the love, support, and guidance you have given me.  They are an amazing support network and I would like to introduce them to you.

Ryan Matson.  Ryan is my childhood best friend.  My Montevallo story doesn’t begin if not for you.  I’m so thankful that you got to choose Montevallo to continue your story.

Jason Booi.  My big brother when I got to Montevallo.  I’ve learned so much from you and your family.  Five years from now we will look back at this moment and smile my friend.

Jamie Purvis.  My older brother who has watched over me far more than I realize at times.

Dad, you’ve always been there when I’ve needed you and given timely advice. It is still very much appreciated.

Mom, you are a social worker at heart.  You never gave up on me, even after the doctors and other “professionals” did when I was a child.  You didn’t take no for an answer.  Thank you.

The story I want to tell you today comes from my time as a student and advisor to my fraternity.  One of the things required of a pledge was to get an interview from every member of the organization.  One of the questions they had to ask is “What do I owe the fraternity?”  My answer for over a decade was always the same.

Your time, your heart, and your dues.  Your time because you are going to get out of this organization exactly what you put into it.  Your heart because if you don’t give it your all, you are just wasting your time and mine.  Your dues because where friendship is free, insurance is not.

I’ve taken this same philosophy when it comes to being an alumnus of Montevallo.  I give my time, my heart, and my dues.  I volunteer my time and help when and where I can.  As for my heart, let’s just say I have no shame supporting Montevallo.  I really do give it my all.  The purple suit has been probably one of the worst kept secrets.  Last, but not least, I pay my dues.  I was afforded many opportunities to further my education at Montevallo by alumni who gave to the social work program so that I could attend conferences and network as an undergraduate.  I feel fortunate that I am able to help afford students the same opportunity now.

I don’t have to tell anybody in this room what a special place Montevallo is.  You all already know it.  I know I’m speaking to the choir in here, but my challenge to you is ask yourself am I giving my time, my heart, and my dues to help further the mission and vision of Montevallo?  By giving of these things you make students, professors, staff, and administrators lives a little bit easier.

In closing, I would like to thank you once again for honoring me with the Alumnus Loyalty Award.  Thank you from the whole of my heart.  Now may I live up to the honor that you have bestowed upon me…

THOU SHALL NOT WORSHIP FALSE IDOLS

At 9 a.m. Monday morning, the NCAA dropped a bomb on State College, Pennsylvania.  People are going to needlessly argue for years whether or not the NCAA overstepped their bounds by levying penalties.  I’m sure you can go to many different news outlets to support what side of that equation you believe.  I’m not here to argue about that today.

Edmund Burke once famously quipped, “All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.”  That is what happened at State College in 1998 and 2001 that ultimately led to the NCAA’s verdict today.  It had nothing to do with the young men playing football today, but everything to do with those who were chosen to lead them.  Because Joe Paterno and others did not speak up and do what was right in 1998 or 2001, Jerry Sandusky was able to continue to prey on children for many more years.  He chose to help cover up the crimes to protect the things he held most dear, his prestigious football program and legacy.

In the end, I’m sure he thought these things that had been swept under the rug and would never see the light of day.  If it weren’t for outside incidents off the State College campus, they might have stayed hidden.  Joe Paterno would have stayed a celebrated man for doing things “the right way” and rode off into the sunset.  Instead his legacy is irreparably damaged and all his record setting feats are now vacated.  It is as if Joe Paterno became the tragic character Faust; who sold his soul to the devil to achieve greatness only to be undone in the end.

The now infamous Joe Paterno statue was removed on Sunday by Penn State University.

Until November of last year, Joe Paterno stood for everything that was right in college football and college sports for that matter.  He was worshiped by his own fan base and greatly admired by everyone else.  He already had a statue celebrating everything he did for his beloved program outside Beaver Stadium.  In the end, Joe Paterno was really like the rest of us… a flawed individual.  In his lifetime he was put upon such a pedestal that I think he truly believed in his own greatness.  You don’t have to look any further than his family’s tragically sad efforts to protect and restore his now tarnished legacy to see it extended beyond him.  If Joe Paterno was alive to day, he would be facing perjury charges and likely jail time.  His estate is likely to disappear in the rash of lawsuits certain to be brought from the abused.  In the end the message is simply this… THOU SHALL NOT WORSHIP FALSE IDOLS.  I wish his family would take that lesson to heart.

On a softer side…

I’ve decided to bring back JP’s Politically Incorrect Predictions this year as it’s own website.  With some help from my friends, it will be up and going in about a week.  I’ve set a tentative launch date of August 1st.  There is currently a facebook page that you can get to and like by clicking here.  You can also find the twitter handle for this new endeavor    @jppredicts  For those of you who are wondering what are “politically incorrect predictions,” here is a link to last years bowl blowout.

Five Month Update or… Does Something Look Funny to You?

Krispy Kreme and running are never a safe mix, but has nothing to do with this story.

I feel guilty for not writing over the last two months as my mind has been nothing but a flurry of ideas and thoughts. Some of them are still fresh and potent and others are all but forgotten. These things float in my head screaming to get out and be heard, but often go silent when I finally make time trying to record and reflect on them. So in turn, I have been silent.

The last five months have seen its ups and downs since my eye surgery. To be honest, it feels like it has been an eternity. Since the first month, I feel like my vision changes a bit every day. There is no easy way to explain it except that I feel like it keeps “evolving.” Whenever I start getting use to my eyes, they seem to change a bit. At times, I’ve started to question whether I was losing my sanity or if something was really wrong. Waking up every morning and things being slightly “different” every time has really messed with my head. I feel like I’m noticing new stuff almost on a daily basis. At first it was fun, lately it has just been causing headaches. I guess developing peripheral vision will do that to you.

After talking to my optometrist, it turns out that my eyes keep getting stronger. They are still healing and will continue to do so for a while. It is his opinion that the things that I’m experiencing are just my eyes trying to do what they are programmed to do, but have never done…. That is work together. Right now they are fighting to overcome thirty years of “memory” or the way it has always been. It is going to take some time… I guess I just need to stick to my mantra of “patient time”

Week 6 Update and New Year’s Resolutions (A Month Late…)

Today makes (or marks) six weeks since surgery.  It feels like an eternity since then.  Tomorrow I go for my one month post op and should have a better idea of where things are heading.  I will hopefully be released to get back to my running, working out, etc.  I haven’t been able to do any of those things since Surgery (I’m sure I could have, but I was told not to!) This was done in an effort to make sure things healed quickly and without interruption.

Fortunately, I don't have to wake up to Sonny and Cher... or Chaz for that matter.

The worst part of this process is waking up every morning with a headache.  41 mornings, 41 headaches.  Ground hog day.  It doesn’t matter what time I go to bed or wake up, my head hurts.  Luckily, the headaches are manageable and I usually feel better after an hour or two.  Several people have told me this is what to expect from marriage (rim shot on the snare drum).  Hopefully I’ll have some insight into the headaches tomorrow.  I’m hoping it has something to do with my eyes just readjusting.

One of the greatest actors of all time: Keanu Reeves.

As for the memory… It is coming back with a vengeance.  It’s not all quite there but my memories associations are working quite well.  This has led to brain overload on more than one occasion when I’ve gone somewhere I’ve been many times before.  It’s like a chain reaction one thought leads to two more and those two lead to four more and so on.  To me, this is a good thing.  However, the actual numbers or dates associated with these memories are not present at this time which is a very odd thing to me.  I usually use dates and numbers in my head to get to actual memories.

In my first blog entry I mentioned I had set goals or New Year’s Resolutions for 2012 (One being this blog).  Here is a sampling of them.

Walked 500 miles for a girl. She probably wasn't impressed. At least that's what I proclaim.

1. Run over 250 miles this year: Why walk 500 miles when you can run 250?  Right now I sit at zero miles.  I blame surgery on this one.  A big shout out to my friends Bex, Julie, Lindsey, and John for getting me to start running.  I would give you a shout out Adam, but I know the bat likes anonymity.

Progress: 0/250

2. Pay off my debts before Rolling Rock Day: Debt is a monkey on a lot of people’s backs.  I’m looking to fling him off like he flings other things.  Some (Probably all of you) are ask when Rolling Rock Day is?  Just look for the ole “33” for your answer.

Progress: On target/early

I am Mendoza. My line: You do not cross.

3. Getting below the “Mendozza line“: This is a goal I came real close to accomplishing last year.  Fortunately, I’ve actually lost weight already this year despite not being able to work out.  I still haven’t stepped on a scale.

Progress: Unknown.

4.  Posting to my blog weekly: I went over ten years without writing consistently before I started back in August.  The hardest thing about writing this blog is that it is so much more personal and for a much smaller audience.  Back during the fall, there were weeks that over 4,000 people read my stories/blog post.  It was really neat to get on Google Analytics and see fifty people on the website at once.

Progress: On target

What I hope my man cave looks like in about 6 months... maybe.

5.  Re-finish my basement:  The downstairs of my house has so much potential.  Since I moved in five years ago I’ve wanted to knock down the walls and make a large game room/man cave/theater/bar.  I started ripping carpet and padding up several weeks ago.  After my February rush I hope to pick back up and get this project underway before Summer gets here.

Until next time…

P.s.  If you enjoy reading my non-whimsical non-sense please look to your left and enter your email into the subscribe area so that you can follow this blog.  It will email you whenever I post fresh material.  Thank you!

Week Five Update OR How I Came to Love the Chubby Ole Groundhog

Today is Groundhog Day.  If for some reason you are reading this on a day you do not think is Groundhog Day, it really is… but that is totally different discussion for another time.  Two days ago I celebrated five weeks post operation.  I get to see the good doctor next Wednesday for the six week post op and prognosis.  Unlike the same meeting from the last surgery, I’m not sure what to expect this time.  I just hope when Dr. Ludwig looks into my eyes she doesn’t see six more weeks of Winter.

With that being said… I feel like I have been living in a Groundhog Day the last month or so.  I’ve woken up every morning with a headache. (And my VEO Sleep Manager wakes me up with same sounds from nature)  It doesn’t matter what time I go to bed or wake up, my head hurts.  I’ve come to accept that this is part of the process.  I had similar issues two years ago when I had surgery.  Luckily for me, my Groundhog Day usually ends around 8:30 to 9:00 a.m. and I don’t have any encounters with Ned Ryerson.

Who doesn't want to see Ned Ryerson today? This guy! And remember... Respect the Falcon!

As for my vision… It’s improving.  The world still seems strange and unfamiliar.  In reality, its probably more a disconnect in my brain or a cognition issue.  For those of you who read this and don’t know me or not around me, I have a phenomenal memory.  Most, if not all of that is tied to how I perceive the world through my eyes.  When things are working “normally” for me, simply seeing a picture of a place brings back a treasure trove of memories.  When things aren’t working right, there is just a blank space there.  It’s frustrating because my mind knows there is supposed to be something there.  Right now, there are more blank spaces then filled ones.  It is better then it was last week, but it feels like it still has a long way to go.  My mantra continues to be “patient time.”

On the flip side of this, my mind feels like it is working better than it has in years.  It feels like it is getting sharp again.  It is as if I’m waking up.  One of my favorite quotes has always been “Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. (He) Who looks outside, dreams. (He) Who looks inside, awakens.”  Maybe, in reality, I’m just waking up from the Groundhog Day that I’ve been living in for much longer than the last month.