February 2012 – Final Thoughts on a First Impression

Week 8 Update or How to make it Rain…

Last week I failed to find the time to adequately write what I wanted to write. To be honest, I got a bit overwhelmed. The drops that the good doctor prescribed me in addition to the ibuprofen regiment eliminated my morning headaches. This allowed my mind to finally begin working without having to fight off headaches all day. The results from this whole process has been like someone turning on a light switch. I’m not talking about my vision as much as my memory.

No, I'm not rain man... or Dustin Hoffman for that matter.

For those of you who don’t know me that well, I have a very good memory. I distinctly remember dates, places, faces (not names), weather, and feelings from a variety of significant and insignificant events (No its not eidetic or exceptional memory). For some people around me it is a fascinating thing. For most of you reading this it’s just plain annoying. For me… I think it is a probably a coping mechanism I developed from my childhood.

Until the last couple of months most of my memories have been confined to a point in the Spring of 1997 forward (I was 17 at the time). In recent years, memories from before that time were more less spotty and I was never quite sure if I was imagining things or just trying to fill in gaps where I knew things should fit. I had only really been able to remember personally significant events before that time or when someone unknowingly used a cue (visual or audio) to bring something back. So I knew the information was stored somewhere.

In the last week I’ve began remembering things in vivid detail as far back as to the age of five. Every memory has led to another memory and so on. My mind has not stopped running except when I’ve been sleeping. Needless to say, this process has been a bit taxing. My head has been populated with many pleasant and not so pleasant memories from over a 27 year period. I feel like I’ve revisited my whole life several times over this past week. Even as I type this my head is swimming through childhood memories involving the Miller’s, Smith’s, and the rest of the neighborhood. If you feel like challenging the memory, leave a comment or drop me an email about a specific event. I’d probably shock you.

As for the eyes…

They are straight and are continuing to try and “work themselves out.” This along with the whole memory thing has been extremely tiring. I feel as if someone is trying to “re-format” my brain. I know they are doing things that I don’t ever recall them doing. However, I don’t think its fusion. To be honest, I wouldn’t know if it was or not. I just know it is different then it was two weeks ago.

I believe that the “issues” or “events” I’m experiencing with my memory and eyes are tied together. I don’t view any of it as a bad thing. I feel like it is progress on several different levels. However, I am surprised at the depth and clarity that I am remembering things from so long ago. I almost feel as I’m right back at that place or time. I’m trying not to get to caught up in my memories and realize that they are just that… memories. The future is an empty page in a book waiting to be written… just like this blog.

Week 6.5 Update: Doctor, Doctor! Give Me the News!

A bit off — If this guy is a bit "off" I'd hate to see what his "on" looks like.

Yesterday was my 1 month post operation appointment… at six weeks. Apparently, the inability to correctly count is a statewide phenomena in Alabama that continues to spread. But I digress… I was a little fearful going into this visit because things have been so “off” and that I have continued to have headaches every morning since surgery. The last several surgeries the headaches have gone away by the middle of week two. This time they’ve stuck around like an old, unwanted house guest.

This meeting with the doctor started off no different then any of the others. They checked my vision and depth perception before I got to see her. I complained of the headaches and made mention of their similarity to those I experienced over twenty years ago while undergoing eye therapy. She examined my eyes and informed me that they are now nearly perfectly aligned. It’s the best they have ever been. She seemed extremely pleased with how this last surgery went.

She didn’t have an immediate answer for the headaches, but had several hypothesis about what is going on:

1. The headaches are vascular in nature (Migraines)

I don’t think this is likely, but a possibility. Headaches only really flared up after surgery.

2. My brain is trying to fuse the picture, but currently unable to.

MatrixCode — I wonder if this is what fused vision really looks like? It still doesn't explain why the Matrix sequels sucked. Never mind, I forget Keanu Reeves was in them.

The doctor’s reasoning behind this is the fact that my eyes are pretty much aligned for the first time in my life. However, one eye is ever so slightly off. The headaches may be coming from the fact that I’m unconsciously or involuntarily trying to correct the position of one eye to help achieve fused vision. This would explain the exhaustion and headaches every morning. My mind/eyes are working over time trying to do something they have never done. It is my hope that this is what is going on inside my head. The real question is how do you tell yourself to do something it has never done in thirty-two plus years?

3. Aliens from Persei Omicron 8 have implanted something in my brain.

This seems unlikely and sounds like something I made up to have an option three. Yep. Definitely something I made up… In reality, it might be something else. However, I’m only presenting you with two realistic options.

robert downey jr. — What Robert Downey Jr. might look like trying to act like an Australian portraying a black man in a mockumentary styled comedy.

Hopefully I will have some answers in the next month or so. I’m tired of waking up feeling like pre-Iron Man Robert Downing Jr. every morning. In the back of my head the words “patient time” are still being whispered…

Week 6 Update and New Year’s Resolutions (A Month Late…)

Today makes (or marks) six weeks since surgery. It feels like an eternity since then. Tomorrow I go for my one month post op and should have a better idea of where things are heading. I will hopefully be released to get back to my running, working out, etc. I haven’t been able to do any of those things since Surgery (I’m sure I could have, but I was told not to!) This was done in an effort to make sure things healed quickly and without interruption.

The worst part of this process is waking up every morning with a headache. 41 mornings, 41 headaches. Ground hog day. It doesn’t matter what time I go to bed or wake up, my head hurts. Luckily, the headaches are manageable and I usually feel better after an hour or two. Several people have told me this is what to expect from marriage (rim shot on the snare drum). Hopefully I’ll have some insight into the headaches tomorrow. I’m hoping it has something to do with my eyes just readjusting.

images (51) — One of the greatest actors of all time: Keanu Reeves.

As for the memory… It is coming back with a vengeance. It’s not all quite there but my memories associations are working quite well. This has led to brain overload on more than one occasion when I’ve gone somewhere I’ve been many times before. It’s like a chain reaction one thought leads to two more and those two lead to four more and so on. To me, this is a good thing. However, the actual numbers or dates associated with these memories are not present at this time which is a very odd thing to me. I usually use dates and numbers in my head to get to actual memories.

In my first blog entry I mentioned I had set goals or New Year’s Resolutions for 2012 (One being this blog). Here is a sampling of them.

proclaimers — Walked 500 miles for a girl. She probably wasn't impressed. At least that's what I proclaim.

1. Run over 250 miles this year: Why walk 500 miles when you can run 250? Right now I sit at zero miles. I blame surgery on this one. A big shout out to my friends Bex, Julie, Lindsey, and John for getting me to start running. I would give you a shout out Adam, but I know the bat likes anonymity.

Progress: 0/250

2. Pay off my debts before Rolling Rock Day: Debt is a monkey on a lot of people’s backs. I’m looking to fling him off like he flings other things. Some (Probably all of you) are ask when Rolling Rock Day is? Just look for the ole “33” for your answer.

Progress: On target/early

I am Mendoza. My line: You do not cross.

3. Getting below the “Mendozza line“: This is a goal I came real close to accomplishing last year. Fortunately, I’ve actually lost weight already this year despite not being able to work out. I still haven’t stepped on a scale.

Progress: Unknown.

4. Posting to my blog weekly: I went over ten years without writing consistently before I started back in August. The hardest thing about writing this blog is that it is so much more personal and for a much smaller audience. Back during the fall, there were weeks that over 4,000 people read my stories/blog post. It was really neat to get on Google Analytics and see fifty people on the website at once.

Progress: On target

mancave2 — What I hope my man cave looks like in about 6 months... maybe.

5. Re-finish my basement: The downstairs of my house has so much potential. Since I moved in five years ago I’ve wanted to knock down the walls and make a large game room/man cave/theater/bar. I started ripping carpet and padding up several weeks ago. After my February rush I hope to pick back up and get this project underway before Summer gets here.

Until next time…

P.s. If you enjoy reading my non-whimsical non-sense please look to your left and enter your email into the subscribe area so that you can follow this blog. It will email you whenever I post fresh material. Thank you!

Week Five Update OR How I Came to Love the Chubby Ole Groundhog

Today is Groundhog Day. If for some reason you are reading this on a day you do not think is Groundhog Day, it really is… but that is totally different discussion for another time. Two days ago I celebrated five weeks post operation. I get to see the good doctor next Wednesday for the six week post op and prognosis. Unlike the same meeting from the last surgery, I’m not sure what to expect this time. I just hope when Dr. Ludwig looks into my eyes she doesn’t see six more weeks of Winter.

With that being said… I feel like I have been living in a Groundhog Day the last month or so. I’ve woken up every morning with a headache. (And my VEO Sleep Manager wakes me up with same sounds from nature) It doesn’t matter what time I go to bed or wake up, my head hurts. I’ve come to accept that this is part of the process. I had similar issues two years ago when I had surgery. Luckily for me, my Groundhog Day usually ends around 8:30 to 9:00 a.m. and I don’t have any encounters with Ned Ryerson.

Jeffhaha — Who doesn't want to see Ned Ryerson today? This guy! And remember... Respect the Falcon!

As for my vision… It’s improving. The world still seems strange and unfamiliar. In reality, its probably more a disconnect in my brain or a cognition issue. For those of you who read this and don’t know me or not around me, I have a phenomenal memory. Most, if not all of that is tied to how I perceive the world through my eyes. When things are working “normally” for me, simply seeing a picture of a place brings back a treasure trove of memories. When things aren’t working right, there is just a blank space there. It’s frustrating because my mind knows there is supposed to be something there. Right now, there are more blank spaces then filled ones. It is better then it was last week, but it feels like it still has a long way to go. My mantra continues to be “patient time.”

On the flip side of this, my mind feels like it is working better than it has in years. It feels like it is getting sharp again. It is as if I’m waking up. One of my favorite quotes has always been “Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. (He) Who looks outside, dreams. (He) Who looks inside, awakens.” Maybe, in reality, I’m just waking up from the Groundhog Day that I’ve been living in for much longer than the last month.